hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
