so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
