If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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