I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
