I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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