you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
