Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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