you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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