hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
