the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
