Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
