Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
