Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
