apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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