she kept yelling 'call me bella'
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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