I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
