I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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