I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
