I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
