He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
