It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
