I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you had me at cake vodka
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
