If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
