Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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