my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
