Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
