There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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