i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
