Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
