dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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