cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
