then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
