Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
