Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize