What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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