You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
