Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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