Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
