wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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