I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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