I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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