I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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