Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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