what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
