No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
