I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
