if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
