she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
