I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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