I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
