Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
