I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
