i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
