You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
