you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
