you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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