yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
God, I missed his penis.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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