I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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