Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize