Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
