so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
