one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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