Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize