my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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