Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
